Dark Humor
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why can't emos have ADD?
'Cause they are already scatter-brained.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."
Orphan: "How?"
Kid: "You wouldn't know."
Orphan: "........."