What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
"Hold my beer, watch this."
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who play Pumpes Up Kicks at max Volume
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
I love jumping off cliffs.
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
