Danger jokes
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
I gave a blind man a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.