Danger jokes

I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

What's green and is dangerous?

Kermit with a flip knife.

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2

-Harpoon it.

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).

When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

A man was taking a young child into the woods.

The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."

The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."

What is yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.