Dad jokes

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why did Ama cross the road?

To find his dad.

No one has my back like my dad.

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

9 months before I was born,

I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.

What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?

Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.