Dad jokes

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

No one has my back like my dad.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

Your eyebrows run away like your dad.

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Natyourcheese.

Natyourcheese who?

Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?

Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.