Dad jokes
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
9 months before I was born,
I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.
No one has my back like my dad.
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
Memes
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Natyourcheese.
Natyourcheese who?
Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Your eyebrows run away like your dad.
What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Where can you find the most dads?
Milk Island.