Dad jokes

No one has my back like my dad.

Mom, why was I adopted?

Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?

Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

Where can you find the most dads?

Milk Island.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

Your eyebrows run away like your dad.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.