Dad jokes
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
Son: I love you, Dad.
Dad gets in car and drives away.
What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
Your dad has a huge PP.
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat!"
Marvin: "I don’t believe that."
Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat!'"
The next morning,
Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"
*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*
Marvin: "Jeffy, I don’t believe you, you pooped in my hat!"
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!