Dad jokes

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.

Why do people always talk about nine eleven???

My dad died that day.

He was a good pilot.

You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?

That last brain cell must've been your dad, because it left without you knowing.