Dad Jokes

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

POV: me telling a joke.

My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.

Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.

Never talk about 9/11 to me i lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot ;(

i was going to make alligator last night but i noticed i only had a croc pot

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

imagine having a mom

The image is divided into two columns, the left side says "To Mom:" and lists several needs and questions commonly asked by children such as "I'm hungry...", "Where are you?", "Can you help me...". On the right side, it says "To Dad:" and below that "Where's Mom?"

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

20 years later Jhonny: Hey dad Dad:yea? Jhonny: Fuck you I ain't comin back to your grave in 16 years then ima come back BITCH Dad: doing the same thing i did to you and your mother ay i deserve it :( ;O not reall...NOT A FUCKING ALL. Jhonny: Yea you kinda fucking do. Dad:...

I'm just a prom night dumpster baby I got no mam or dad. Prom night dumpster baby My story isn't long, but boy, it's awfully sad. Although I came from a hole (Although I came from a hole) I'm singin' right from the soul (I'm singin' right from the soul)

My fanny needs a blanket And somebody to spank it I miss my mam But she's at the prom So I'm prom night dumpster baby Prom night dumpster baby

And I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) Hahaha, I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll)

You take a plane from Australia your mom is American your dad is British and. Your brother (and you) is Canadian (well because they traveled along many places) you are eating dinner but you realized you were going to europe. You went sleepy and you forgot your pet named “Strallia”. But she could not go anyways so you had to leave her. When you went to europe you were in the “COUNTRY-SIDE”

Once Jimmy was minding his own business then he hears his mom comes home he asked "where have you been?" she replied with "I was at work" yet he knew his mom did not have work so the next day while heading to school he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant and they want to try there device and they need the baby dad to say if its alright

Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"

Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

you see, my son is very into astronomy Son- how do stars die Dad- usually overdose son

im suck an asshole to my son my wife divorced me

one day a man was walking in a ally when a crack head atakes him so then man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home when he gose to his wife she asks him if he saw her dad.