Dad jokes
One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.
The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"
The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
Top five places to find your dad's orphans is Milk Island.
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
Memes
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
The police: Pull over!
The kid: Do you know who my dad is?
The police: What, your mom did not tell you?
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only had a croc pot.
What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.
My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
Hey dad, I'm hungry!
Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?
Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*