Dad jokes

What show has something orphans will never have?

American Dad!

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.

Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.

My dad has a pretty shitty job.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Your dad left for the milk because of your McDonald's hairline!

POV: me telling a joke.

My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.

Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot ;(

You wonder where my dad is.

Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!

Top five places to find your dad's orphans is Milk Island.

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.