Dad Jokes

A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"

Dad said, "It is, Son."

Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"

Rapunzel's hair is longer than your dad's existence.

Just ask your dad.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

The image shows two frames of a character, Seymour Skinner, from The Simpsons. In the first frame he's walking with a thoughtful expression. Text above reads: "Me walking past the bathroom door." In the second frame his expression has changed to a worried look and the text above says: "Hearing my dad take a piss."

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

Die you potato.

I baked you a pie.

Oh boy, which flavor?

Pie Pie Pie Pie.

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Why did you name this way?

Why Why Why?

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...