Dad jokes

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.

Just ask your dad.

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boomer age?

Ur dad

Omg, I'm sooooo sry!!!!!

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣