Dad jokes
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
My dad was such a good man. RIP, Osama bin Laden.
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.
You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."
I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.