Dad jokes

Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?

Son: Why?

Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they can't call anyone their dad.

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?

... S'warm!

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?

About 15 stone.

Why does an orphan play mum and dad?

'Cause they need self-love.

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.