Dad jokes
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Memes
Your life, that's all.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...