Dad jokes

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

Imagine not having a dad.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?

Ama

Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?

Son: Why?

Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.

Your life, that's all.

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?

... S'warm!

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they can't call anyone their dad.

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?

About 15 stone.