Dad jokes
Ya mums, ya dad.
What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?
I don't know. I still haven't found them.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
If Dusty's dad from Home Alone 2 was in NASA, how come he is not famous?
Can you relate
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Rope: Hey buddy! Want to hang?
Me: Maybe I can hang later...
Cock: Can I have attention from your Dad now?
Evan, me and your mom are done with you.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?
One can feed a family.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!