Dad jokes
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
Little Johnny was alone because Dad didn’t come back.
Why did the son go to the store?
To find his dad.
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because the dad never came back with the milk.
Girl: Dad, where are you?
Dad: I went to go get milk.
Girl: But we have milk.
Dad: I know, I just don't love you.
Your life, that's all.
Dads are boomerangs, I hope.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their dad.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Imagine not having a dad.
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!