Dad jokes
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Dads are boomerangs, I hope.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Imagine not having a dad.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
Your life, that's all.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."