Dad jokes

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.

You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

Just ask your dad.

Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.

Mom: No, honey, I killed him.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boomer age?

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.

Ur mom gay, ur dad lesbian.