Dad jokes

Roses are red, Violet are blue, Ur dad bought you.

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

What does your mum have in common with your dad?

They are both men.

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

Why are orphans so scared of the dark?

The dad can't check the closet for them.

My dads just like my eggs... runny. 🤣😭🥺

My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.