Dad

Dad jokes

Dog

    • One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

    Kid

    • Kid: Hey, Dad.

    Dad: You're an hour late.

    Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

    Dad: By yourself?

    Kid: No.

    Dad: A boy?

    Kid: I was with the teacher.

    Mam

    • Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.

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    • Milk man

    • Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

    His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

    Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

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    • Dad memes

    Ice Cream

    • A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

    When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

    A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

    The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

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    • Batman

    • Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

    Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

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    • Orphan

    • Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

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    • Adoption

    • Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

    Dad: Well, how do you know?

    Son: I found the adoption papers.

    Dad: That is for your mum.

    If you know, you know.

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    • Name

    • A father is talking to his three kids.

    Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?

    Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.

    Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?

    Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.

    Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!

    Dad: Oh hey, Brick.

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