Dad jokes
Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!
The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.
Why did Hellen hate when her dad yelled at her?
Oh wait, she didn’t know! 🤣🤣
My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
What does your mum have in common with your dad?
They are both men.
Memes
What do you call a pig with two legs? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.
Me: "You wanna see my dad?"
Some kid: "Yeah?"
Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."
Some kid: "He ain't appearing."
Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."
*The kid laughs*
Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Your Dad.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
Dad, why are we here?
Because you're not loved.
What's small, stupid, and has no dad?
Ben.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?
An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.