I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Your Dad.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Dad, why are we here?
Because you're not loved.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Your hairline is as nonexistent as your dad.
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?
Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.
Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.
Ur dad is gay!
Omg! I didn't mean that. Please don't tell ur mom.
I'm so so so sry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?
My dad hates them both!
When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.
That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.
I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!
Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
