Dad jokes

When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.

What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.

Me: I broke me bum.

Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.

Why do orphans become bullies?

Because their mum and dad were never there for them.

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

My dad died in 9/11....

He was a good driver.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.

Why can’t the orphan tell on people?

Because they got no mom and dad! LOLLL

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?

My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭

My dad.

Lil Johnny came home one day and said, "What do fucking each other mean?"

Then he walked through the living room and his dad was fucking his mom, so oh.

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.