Dad jokes

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Why do orphans become bullies?

Because their mum and dad were never there for them.

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

Why can’t the orphan tell on people?

Because they got no mom and dad! LOLLL

My dad died in 9/11....

He was a good driver.

Me: I broke me bum.

Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.

Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.

What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?

My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭

Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"

When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.

My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.

What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?

My dad.

Lil Johnny came home one day and said, "What do fucking each other mean?"

Then he walked through the living room and his dad was fucking his mom, so oh.

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.