Customer Jokes

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: Do you have chocolate filled ice cream? The man replies: We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one? Johnny replies: Sure. After that the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later the man comes with a ice cream and Johnny's phone. Johnny asks: How much for the ice cream? The man replies: Nothing, its on the house. After Johnny ate hes delicious ice cream, he searched for hes watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking".

a man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili the waiter said "sorry sir this is a Asian restaurant". So he stretches his eyes and says "oh herro can i get some chiri".

You never think of how people will react to an event, my friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Waiter: "here you go, one medium-rare steak".

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "thanks, that means a lot."

what do both a hooker and a customer have in common, they come onto each other

I got fired my first day at the bank this old lady told me to check her balance so I pushed her over

A suicidal customer walks into a gun store...

Cashier: Is this your final purchase?

Customer: Actually, yes it is!

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco? Because every little bit helps

A Weasle walks into a bar the bartender says "Wow I've never served a weasle before, what can I get you?" "Pop", goes the weasle.

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks”Hey, if I can make you laugh I don’t have to pay.”The girl in the window says,”ok.”The guys says,”A little boy named Timmy lost his arms.”The girl says,” oh no!”The guy says”and his dad left him when he was 4.”The girl says “uhh yeah.” The guy says”Ok,I guess I’ll be paying then” The girl asks”Ok,And what name will that be under?”The guy says”Timmy,I’m Timmy.”

my pal ased me why no body wants to eat the spaghetti he make in his restaurent welp,because it's impastable

if someone calls you just say this is peters abortion clinic and pizza restaurant were yesterdays loss is today's sauce

I'll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "

You go up to a bar and say hi he doesn’t look at you you keep saying hi he says what then you realize that he is the one that u stole his lady from but then he doesn’t give you any drink you say why he screams at you and then says YOUR FIVE

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry? Well they aren't. Why? They aren't repeated customers.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.