I took my girlfriend to a Chinese Restaraunt. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what is going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink
Cashier: Will you want the milk in a bag today sir?
Customer: I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind.
Hey dude can you speel ihop. Sure man. I H O P. Wait you ate my pee!!!
Today I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you Penaldo!
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is' The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock
Hi welcome to David’s sperm bank you Jack it we pack it how may I help you?
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!!
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
a man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili the waiter said "sorry sir this is a Asian restaurant". So he stretches his eyes and says "oh herro can i get some chiri".
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
I got fired my first day at the bank this old lady told me to check her balance so I pushed her over
Waiter: "here you go, one medium-rare steak".
Me: "I like it well done."
Waiter: "thanks, that means a lot."
what do both a hooker and a customer have in common, they come onto each other
You never think of how people will react to an event, my friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
A Weasle walks into a bar the bartender says "Wow I've never served a weasle before, what can I get you?" "Pop", goes the weasle.
So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says "tell ya what, spell out "lad" in salad" she spells L A D, Johnny replies "spell "rot" in carrot" she spells R O T, Johnny says "now spell "fuck" in vegetables or fruits" she says "there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits" Johnny exclaims "thats what ive been trying to tell you!"
my pal ased me why no body wants to eat the spaghetti he make in his restaurent welp,because it's impastable
if someone calls you just say this is peters abortion clinic and pizza restaurant were yesterdays loss is today's sauce
I'll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
