Crime jokes
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
Memes
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Hey guys,
I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.