Crime jokes
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
Memes
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Hey guys,
I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.