Crime Jokes

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno

Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

The image shows a meme with a picture of a headline that reads, "Florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed 'Olaf'" along with a mugshot from the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office and a picture of a stuffed Olaf doll. The meme starts with the phrase "Roses are red, I got thrown off."

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!