Crime jokes
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?
At least outlaws are wanted.
What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
Memes
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."