Crime jokes
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Hey guys,
I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.