Crime jokes
What's a cannibal's favorite snack?
Men toes! 😂🤣
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.