Crime jokes
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."