Crime

Crime jokes

Diary

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

Criminal Record

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

Memes

Whore

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

Sandwich

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

Priest

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

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  • Teacher

    Teacher: What comes after C?

    Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

    Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

    Me: AK47!!!

    Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

    Teacher: What comes after X?

    Me: Xplosin.

    1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

    Terrorist

    Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”

    Woman

    Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

    "Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

    I suppose that was a fair compromise!

    Skin

    New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!

    (Obtained by running over 69 children.)

    Imposter

    In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.

    Sound familiar? 🤔

    Well, in September 11th...

    Run

    I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!