Crime jokes
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Kid.""Kid who?""Kidnap you!"
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.