Crime jokes
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?
At least outlaws are wanted.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
Memes
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"