Crime jokes
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.
What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?
At least outlaws are wanted.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."