Crime jokes
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 murdered 37 children and 41 adults during the ages of 31-35 years old.
She was then sentenced to a 35 year sentence (Colombian stuff) and came out 70 years old. She then continued to go on a spree and murder 41 more people, in 2 months. 3 years later, 6 stabbed 7 as they were friends. 6 was not sentenced, but deemed a hero. He never forgets that moment. Her soul not floating above, but screaming from the torture it's receiving.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What do Somalians excel at in the United States?
Welfare fraud.
It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.