My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.
That's a big word for a 6 year old!
Crime Jokes
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.
I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.
What is a pedophile’s favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.
Why did the gay man get raped?
He assed for it.
