Crime jokes
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
Hey guys,
I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.