Crime jokes
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?
What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
No such thing as peados.... it’s all nonce-sense!
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.