Crime jokes
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"
A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"
The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Me: "I like kids."
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.