Crime jokes
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"
A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"
The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Me: "I like kids."
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.