Crime jokes
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Me: "I like kids."
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"
A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"
The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.