Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?
White vans.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
What day is international terrorist day?
September 11th, 2001.
"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"
"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
