Crime jokes
I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?
RCXD in bound
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
Mosely in a white van.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?
Alien vs. Predator.
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.