Crime jokes
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
Your dad never needed a van for you.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.
What do Michael Jackson and Pinocchio have in common?
They both lie over little boys 😂
Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.