Crime jokes

What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?

The Dark Knight Rises.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

How do you make a plumber sad?

You kill his family.

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.