Crime jokes

Where do pedophiles go hunting?

Elementary schools.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

What's the difference between me and a rapist?

He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.

She was just 7 years old.

Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."

How do you make a plumber sad?

You kill his family.

What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?

The Dark Knight Rises.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"