Crime jokes

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.

What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?

9:11 AM

Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Here is a joke: Rape.

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?

A heartless killer.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?

She said a monster attacked her.

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.

Where do pedophiles go hunting?

Elementary schools.

So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.

They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?

So he could be wanted.

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.

My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.