Crime jokes
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Why did the CSI team have to go to the "Purple Rain" shoot?
Because they had to dust for Prince! hahaha
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.