Crime jokes
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?" Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Why did the person go to jail? He committed a crime.
What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.
What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?
Raped an eight-year-old girl.
Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.
I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
Why don’t pedophiles win races?
They like to come in a little behind.