Crime jokes
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy? Cause he's the most wanted.
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Memes
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.