Crime jokes
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.