Crime jokes
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Why are Indians such good actors?
Most of them are phone scammers.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
Rape is not funny!! What if you were the girl/boy getting raped?
Why was the guitarist arrested? He fingered a minor.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?
Kum and Go.
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.