Crime jokes

What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?

Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night. The little boy says, "I'm scared." The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."