Crime jokes
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?
White vans.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
Why did the moron throw his clock out the window?
The clocks reminded him of Richard Clock, the convict who knife-raped his wife.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Pedophiles are just fucking, immature assholes.
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank? He did not have the guts!