Crime jokes
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
35! Do you have a problem with that?
Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Bro, please block Kimberly Jones. She keeps trying to scam people.
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.
What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?
Raped an eight-year-old girl.
What is a pedophile’s favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.