Crime jokes

Why do orphans love GTA?

Because they are actually wanted!

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

How do you get away with murder?

How do you know an abo robbed your house?

The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Joy.

I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!

Mohamed Atta would probably be pretty mad at these posts.

Hit'em with the Ted Bundy.

Jefferey Dahmer asked his husband a question.

His husband said, "What's your question?"

Jefferey Dahmer said, "You want to know what is my favorite type of tree?"

His husband said "Yes?"

Jefferey said, "Morning Wood, now take off your pants!"

What's the difference between Axne and a priest??

One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.

I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.

What's the difference between Batman and Robin?

Batman can go to the store without robbin'.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

How are babies and the elderly similar?

They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?

That’s assault!

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.

Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?

A. A police officer.

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.

Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.

What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.

But what is similar is tha-

Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!

Sorry 'bout that......

Now, as I was saying,

What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.

Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!