Crime jokes

When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.

How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

35! Do you have a problem with that?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer:

The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."

I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.

They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.

I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.

I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.

What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?

You will have even more birthday parties to go to.

Why did the Mafia cross the road?

Forget about it...

When do you go at stop and stop when done?

I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?

A. Neither does R. Kelly.

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?

You end up doing all the work.

Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?

He was told to high-jack it.

Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?

Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.

The only thing shittier than rapeboats rhymes are his jokes.