Crime jokes
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.