Crime jokes

Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?

A. There was a daycare on the other side.

Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?

Why was the belt placed under arrest?

For holding up a pair of pants. 🤣

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Jared from Subway touches the youth.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

What is one good thing about child molesters?

They drive slow past schools.

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.

The details are SKETCHY! :)

Why was the belt arrested?

It held up a pair of pants.

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

For he can be wanted.

P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?

P2: I don't know.

P1: Wow, you sick fuck!

What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.