Crime jokes

Cruel and unusual punishment.

I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.

Why do kids want to become cops?

They want to find the guy who touched them.

You look like Megamind, drug dealer.

I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

I put a pipe bomb in an orphanage. 🤡🤡

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.

“NO NO NO”

I’ll give you some candy.

“Oh ok🤩”

Is crummy bears alright??

EatDatPussy445, aka Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason, aka Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland, is a pedophile, and he is in Las Vegas right now. Go, go, go, catch him!

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.