Crime jokes

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

Madeline Mcannot find her.

Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!

Man 1: Knock knock.

Man 2: Who's there?

Man 1: Ice.

Man 2: Ice who?

Man 1: I crushed your head.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

What did one detective say to the other detective?

"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.

I'm Pastor Moe Mister, Moe Lester.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.