Crime jokes

Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?

Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

I ate a man because he was dead!

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by comedian Isaac Butterfield.

Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.

He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.

The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.

How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.

What is Batman like?

He is an orphan.

What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?

"We are on time!"

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's cellmate.

Why did the ducks go to jail?

They sold quack.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?

He was not worth keeping.

How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?

Depends how hard you throw them.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.