Crime jokes

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

What is a pedophile's favorite planet?

Uranus.

Why do egos like robbing banks?

They get a cut.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.

People thought they were going to another country till they saw terrorists were flying the plane.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

What did one detective say to the other detective?

"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?

They fly a plane at them.

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

What is the legal term for shoplifting?

10 fingers discount.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.