Crime jokes
I ate a man because he was dead!
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's cellmate.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?
Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.
If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."
Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?
So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
Why was the belt placed under arrest?
For holding up a pair of pants. 🤣
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!