Crime jokes

I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?

Free delivery.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

Because there was a school on the other side.

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

What's the difference between George Floyd and Joe Biden?

They both talk like they're on fent.

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.

Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"

Because she was uneducated.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

How do rappers stay organized?

They keep their rap sheets in order.

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?

He said he was awfully touched!

At night I became a mattress murderer.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Joy.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?

Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.