Crime jokes
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
Hey guys,
I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...
Greg is a pedo.
Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?
Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
What do you call a bank robbery with MrBeast?
A donation team.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because at least they can be wanted!
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.