Crime jokes

A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.

Roses are red.

I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they want to feel wanted.

What is the perfect job for a pedophile?

A physical doctor for kids.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

More than five because my basement is still dark.

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

What do pedophiles do when they wake up?

Turn on the child safety lock on the car.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?

Because it was on crack.

Diddy and Hawk Tuah walk into a bar. Hawk Tuah says, "Spit on that thang!" Only one walks out. 💀

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.

He orders a beer.

Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,

If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.

How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.

Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?

He didn't have the guts to see it.