Crime jokes
Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?
Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?
Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.
Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?
Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.
Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
Why did the woman get raped in the ass?
She assed for it.
Memes
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
It is not funny about kidnapping.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.