Crime jokes
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What is the favorite city of the pedophile icon? Paris.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?
Because it was on crack.
Diddy and Hawk Tuah walk into a bar. Hawk Tuah says, "Spit on that thang!" Only one walks out. 💀
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.
Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.
Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!