What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
Crime Jokes
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
Why did an orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.
I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.
So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
