Crime jokes
Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.
Why did the gay man get raped?
He assed for it.
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What kind of star would go to jail?
A shooting star!
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they want to be wanted.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."