Crime jokes
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.