Crime jokes

The rapist is a therapist.

Lol.

What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

One was famous for walking on the moon, (pause), the other fucked young boys.

Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

Why did the baseball player go to jail?

Because he stole first base.

VOTING SEMIFINAL 2

LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke.

It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.

How to get rich:

Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.

Step 2: Knock out the orphan.

Step 3: Cut open the orphan.

Step 4: Well there [are] organs.

Step 5: Do it again.

And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.

Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.

What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!

What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!

Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.

Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)

What do you call a man with no legs?

Hangman.

What is harder than steel?

Michael Jackson in a playground.

Roses are red, my name is Dan...

TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.

What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."