Crime jokes
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!
Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.
Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
It is not funny about kidnapping.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"