Crime jokes

What does Sonic say when he's bored?

Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.

There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

What's the good thing about child perverts?

They drive slow in a school zone.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.

What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.

School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.