Crime jokes
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Rape victims suck, literally.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.