Crime jokes

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

What's the good thing about child perverts?

They drive slow in a school zone.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

"Fortnite balls, I'm gay. I like boys. I kidnap autistic kids. Lil Mosey is white."

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Why can't orphans be kidnapped?

Because most kidnappers use a family van.

Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!

I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Why did an orphan rob a bank?

To be wanted.

Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

What's orphans favorite game to play?

GTA5 because they want to be wanted!

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they want to be wanted.

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?