Crime jokes
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!
Gunsalesman: No u
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a roller coaster?
You can ride both on Ketamine, but only one will get you on the news.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."