Crime jokes
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
I killed a man in '94.
Why did the kidnapper cross the road?
To get the kids at the playground.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
Memes
the face of a murderer
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.
Someone is adding dirt to my garden!
The plot thickens!
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Why did an orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.
An orange jumpsuit that is :)
According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.