Crime jokes
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
Memes
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!