Crime jokes

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.

School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.

It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.

R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.

What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.

In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.

What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

What's the good thing about child perverts?

They drive slow in a school zone.

There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.

Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.