Crime jokes
I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
What's the difference between a club and a bar? I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Teacher, what do you call sex making out with a C.I.W.?
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?
"I was raped raped."
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.
It's not rape if you both like it.
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.