Crime jokes
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
Why did the rape victim cross the road?
Because she was a chicken!
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!