Crime jokes
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?
One is wanted.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?
Nothing, they both can’t breathe.
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.