Crime jokes
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?
...Rape.
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
How do you know if a rapist loves you?
He will rape you many times.
Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.