Crime jokes
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
Memes
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.
What do you call a terrorist that can fly?
A dart.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
How do you know if a rapist loves you?
He will rape you many times.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
My teacher is a rapist.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?
"You are a consequence of rape!"
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."