Crime jokes
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll-up.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Why do most orphans become criminals?
Then finally they know what it’s like to be wanted.
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?
5 dumpsters in a baby.
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
To be wanted.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.