Crime jokes

What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?

Panera bloodshed.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

What do you call a terrorist at a cinema?

A box office bomb.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?

"Dine and dash."

Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?

They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?

An escapee from a mental hospital.

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.

Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?

A: Monoxide Child.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"

I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"

I got 39,300,000 matches.

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.