Crime jokes
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!
I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,
they bring me things. <_>
Why did Michael Jackson go to the movies? He saw there was minor nudity.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Q: Why can orphans never be criminals?
A: Because they're never wanted.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
What do you call a gangster involved with anime? A Cuz-Player.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.