Crime jokes
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they like to feel wanted!
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Memes
Runaway thief
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
Why do most orphans become criminals?
Then finally they know what it’s like to be wanted.
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?
5 dumpsters in a baby.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.