Crime jokes
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?
Innocent.
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.