Crime jokes

Orphan: I want to be like Batman.

Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?

They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.

Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?

He made a hit and run!

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?

Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?

Five Guys.

Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away!

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

Why did the priest buy a clown suit?

Because the old one had blood all over it.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.