Crime jokes
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White vans.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Sniffing cocaine?
YES SIRRR!
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.
Off brand Hollow Knight
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
Why did the CSI team have to go to the "Purple Rain" shoot?
Because they had to dust for Prince! hahaha
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.