Crime jokes
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
Why do orphans love GTA?
Because they are actually wanted!
I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.
I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
Why do kids want to become cops?
They want to find the guy who touched them.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What do you call a Chinese rapist? Rae ping you.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
"Hee hee touch my pp."
My teacher is a rapist.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.