Crime jokes
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
I'm in the alagba association. Call 666-666-666 to join the gang. It's free and free kills duidui.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍
Today a canvasser came to my door asking if I wanted to make a donation to protect women in the Congo.
I told her no.
The canvasser got a little upset with me and said, "Don't you know that the Congo is the rape capital of the world?"
"Then they should be used to it by now," I replied.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.