Crime jokes
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll-up.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
Why do most orphans become criminals?
Then finally they know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.