Crime jokes

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?

"Are you ready kids?"

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?

When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.

What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?

Fitting in.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

A pedophile and a priest run a race.

You can’t beat yourself in a race!

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

Why do rappers make terrible pirates?

Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!

Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

"No."

"Have you always been honest?"

"No, never been caught!"

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.