Crime jokes
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.
Nobody still wanted them.
Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"
What do you call a gangster involved with anime? A Cuz-Player.
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,
they bring me things. <_>
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.
What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?
Prince Andrew's victims.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they like to feel wanted!
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
What's red and got makeup all over?
A Bill Cosby victim.
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.