Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Crime Jokes
What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?
7/11
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Raping white women should be encouraged everywhere!
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
