Crime jokes
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
Alien vs Predator.
Cosby vs E.T.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."