Crime jokes
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.