Crime jokes
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
Joke 1) 9/11 was such a tragedy... Two drunk people drove a plane into a building.
Joke 2) If 6-2=4, why are there no more towers?
Joke 3) Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Why did the Mafia cross the road?
Forget about it...
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?
Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.