Crime jokes
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
Alien vs Predator.
Cosby vs E.T.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
Joke 1) 9/11 was such a tragedy... Two drunk people drove a plane into a building.
Joke 2) If 6-2=4, why are there no more towers?
Joke 3) Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.