You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in calabasas
I was kicked out of a orphanage kitchen because I yelled hurry up some of us have homes to get back to.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables. Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!
Americans: i will cook the pizza Italians: I Cooka De Pizza
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
i hat to run out of the libarie because i put the cook books in the women sports section
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? “Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board
“No I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken”.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes. A few hours later dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said “honey can you get the mashed potatoes” dad said “why she’s right here”
