Cook jokes
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
Why did you scream? Oh... Helen Keller tried to cook... 馃槰
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Did you know that French fries aren't from France? They're cooked in Greece.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don鈥檛 know, I can鈥檛 count while masturbating.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don鈥檛 cook because they love eating out.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"