Did you know that French fries aren't from France? They're cooked in Greece.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave? I don't know I close my eyes when I masturbate.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
