Cook jokes
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"
My bully. 😭
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Father’s Day.
How do you know a rapper is ready to cook?
He drops the beet.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to cook up FRESH BEETS!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he was always COOKING UP RHYMES!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Seasoning.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."