Consequence jokes

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus.

What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan. I mean, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.

Genie: Your wish is granted.

Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."

The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."

My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."

The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"

My mom said, "I took your advice."

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Yo mama so fat that when she pooped, poop exploded everywhere!

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a Risk I was willing to take.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.