Outcome jokes

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

Here's a joke: Your life decisions.

I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!

I hit my friend.

He's dead now.

Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.

Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.

Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."

Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.

He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.

Your future.

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think, "Well, better luck next time."

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

Happiness.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.