Comedy Jokes

Only a genius can say this.

I am stupid.

What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?

Fuller House.

Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?

A baked potato.

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”

He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”

He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”

“No, this is the rink manager!”

A two-panel comic strip. The top panel shows two men talking. The man on the left, bald and wearing an orange shirt, looks shocked and asks the man on the right, wearing a white t-shirt, 'Dude, How are you STILL wearing that shirt?!' The bottom panel is a close-up of the white t-shirt. The shirt has '9/11?' printed at the top left. To the right are illustrations of the Twin Towers with blood running down them. To the left is an illustration of Garfield the cat drawn like an airplane flying towards the towers. Below Garfield, the text reads: 'Yeah! I'll take 911 orders of Lasagna!'

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.

These aren't funny.

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?

Nothing, he had no friends.

Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

God says, "You are what you are."

Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."