Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!
Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
What show do gay men watch?
"2 and a Half Men!"
Lol at this one fellas!
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
789.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
