Comedy jokes

Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.

*Takes huge bite of air.*

2 + 2 is 4, minus one, that's 3. Quick maths.

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

What's an Indian's favorite store?

Red Dot.

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.

Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?

Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

What show do gay men watch?

"2 and a Half Men!"

Lol at this one fellas!

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

789.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

Your hairline goes so far back even Dwayne Johnson refused to sit there.

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mama.

Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"