Comedy jokes

I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.

Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.

*Takes huge bite of air.*

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

What's an Indian's favorite store?

Red Dot.

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

What's an Asian's worst nightmare? A tree.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?

Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mama.

Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!