Comedy jokes
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
789.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
Are you made of Gallium and Yttrium?
Because you are looking a little bit GaY.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.
You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
Orphan jokes are just hurtful, and that is all they are, so please stop.
More jokes.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
This joke is so corny I could eat it off the cob.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
I told a chemistry joke once.
There was no reaction.
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.