Comedy jokes

Orphan jokes are just hurtful, and that is all they are, so please stop.

I'm about to tell a dwarf joke, see how short that was.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

What do classical musicians do when they die?

They decompose.

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

What's the best thing about an abortion joke??

No one gets offended.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.

Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.

Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.

"Black midget porn is in 911."

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.