Comedy jokes

What's the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

What did the tree say to the emo kid? Wanna hang?

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?

TIMMAHHHH!

What do you call a tall terrorist?

Osama Bin Laden.

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.

They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

What is the best joke of all time?

Feminism.

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs!