Comedy jokes

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Deez.

Deez who?

Deez nuts!

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Funny.

What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?

"We are Pickle Ricks!"

Do you know Candice?

"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.

What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?

Stand-up comedy.

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Snover1: You can't pass through Snow Way!

Squirtle: Why can't I pass through Snow Way?

Snover1: There's snow in the way.

Snover2: Yeah, you can't get past through the snow while it's on the way, to continuous.

Squirtle: What? There's snow in here the whole time. What is this? Snow Society?!

"AAAAARRRGGH!!"

Squirtle: Who is that?

Snover2: That is Snow.

Squirtle: What?! That giant snow tree thing is Abomasnow!

Snover2: Oops! Don't be a Halt!

"Haaaaaaaaallllltttt!!!"

"Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!"

Snovers: That was a JOKE, Squirtle be FROZEN, just let it go, let it go!

Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.

They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.

What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄