Comedy jokes
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?
Sans: What do you call them?
Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!
Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?
He won the no-Bell prize.
Mexican Comedy Week
Margarita Monday Taco Tuesday Wetback Wednesday Tequila Thursday Fiesta Friday Shake It Saturday Sneaky Sunday
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
What do you call a tall terrorist?
Osama Bin Laden.
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"