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1. Full name: John.

2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

9. Working motivation: none.

I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

Why can’t the orphan get any of the new iPhones?

'Cause none of them have a home button.

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The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?

None, he fell.

How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, there is no electricity.

How many Daveons does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he prefers to stay in the dark.

I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.

Don’t bother me none, babe!

Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!

“Hol up”

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

What is everyone’s favorite class?

None, because people don’t like school.

Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.

None.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

Your hairline is like Mr. Clean's... nonexistent!

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.