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Comedy

Comedy jokes

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.

Why didn't the movie star argue with the customer service clerk?

He didn't have a good counter act!

I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

W-what does, I mean uh, what is, um-, wh-what’s the difference, no... I mean- I mean what do you call a, um... sorry guys, i-i can’t do this. 😥🥺

*runs away in tears*

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

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