Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
Comedy Jokes
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
Why did the booty break up with the fart?
It was just too much GASLIGHTING.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Who is the least young Dave?
Dave-on.
I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.
"Rapeboat" makes Elton John seem straight.
