Come jokes

Huh what you say?

Come fight me, suck a dick.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

What kind of nuts come in cans?

Creamed a-corn.

A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?

Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.